


Before There Was You

by Uzuchi2



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Divergent, Hanahaki AU, M/M, canonverse, im new and don't know how to tag shit, sns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 11:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12409674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uzuchi2/pseuds/Uzuchi2
Summary: In which Sasuke comes to a terrifying revelation regarding his feelings. (Originally posted on my Tumblr, Uzuchi2)





	Before There Was You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) This is my first time posting here. Hope you enjoy!

_"When I used to look above,_

_All I saw was the sky;_

_and every song I would sing,_

_I sung not knowing why._

_All I thought and all I felt,_

_was only just because_

_never was it you-_

_until it was all there was"_

Lang Leav,  _Before There Was You_

* * *

It is early dawn when Sasuke is awoken from his sleep. The sky is still dark, the sun only just beginning to peak over the horizon. All is calm except for Sasuke. His chest hurts and he feels as if he can't breathe. He lurches upwards as a terrible cough wracks his body. His throat burns and he can taste a subtle hint of copper on his tongue. It makes him want to throw up. As the coughs subside, he is confused to find more than a handful of petals on sheets. 

They are a vivd, vibrant orange-a stark contrast to his pristine white sheets. Curious, Sasuke picks a couple up and studies them. The petals are soft, velvety, and  _real_. 

_It's real._

Sasuke throws the petals as if they burn him. They scatter as another attack hits him and he's subjected to another series of violent coughs. He feels as if something is lodged in his throat. The lump steadily rises until it comes out as a fully formed tiger lily. The flower falls apart in the open palms of his hands. Sasuke stares at the petals in disbelief. 

In the back of his mind, he recalls something Itachi mentioned to him before. A disease.  _Hanahaki,_ his brother had called it. A disease born out of one-sided love that causes flowers to grow in the infected's lungs. This puzzles Sasukes. How could he have contracted such a disease in the first place? He was certain there was no one to have such feelings for. it was impossible even. Impossible because he's always been so carefully guarded at all times. Impossible because love has nothing to do with being a strong ninja like Itachi. Impossible because he would never allow himself to fall so carelessly or so unknowingly. 

And yet here he is. Dealing with the impossible. 

Sasuke flops onto his back, places a hand over his aching chest and frantically beating heart and closes his eyes. He tells himself to ignore it and hopes that, like a cold, it will go away in time. 

~SNS~

It happens again a few weeks later during a mission but this time Sasuke understands. He understands and it fucking  _terrifies_ him.

The realization comes as he and Naruto are training. They're sparring and taunting each other as per their usual routine. The teasing, the arguing, the playful yet intense rivalry between them--Sasuke has become attuned to it all. It becomes a sense of familiarity that Sasuke indulges in. In the darkest, most secret parts of his mind, he even admits to enjoying it. Not that he'd ever voice that aloud. 

They're laying on the ground, panting, dirty, and sweaty. Yet, Sasuke's never felt so content, so comfortable. He should feel tired and he does to some extent, but he's also never felt so alive. It's always been like this with Naruto. He stares through the gaps of the trees and sees a purple and blue night sky, speckled with billions of shimmering stars. A moment passes in silence before he decides to speak up, "You ready to head home?"

"Yeah!"

The enthusiastic reply makes Sasuke's smile just a little bigger. It's when Sasuke turns to look at Naruto that the revelation comes to him. It slams into him, punching him in the gut and nearly knocks the air out of his lungs. Naruto is before him, eyes wide in child-like wonder as he stares up at the clear night sky, and Sasuke feels his world slow down. Sasuke doesn't even realize his sharingan is activated. 

In the sun, Naruto's eyes sparkled like the sea but here, now, under the blanket of stars, Sasuke thinks they reflect galaxies. The stars have never looks so beautiful and Sasuke is completely and utterly terrified. 

It is later in the night that Sasuke finds himself hunched over a small pond. Petals float upon the surface; blue ones to join the orange petals. Sasuke grimaces as he takes in the sight of his reflection in the water. He doesn't recognize himself anymore. The emotionless mask he spent fifteen years of perfecting is long gone and its place he can only see fear, frustration, and confusion in his vivid red eyes. He closes his eyes and he collapses onto his side. His body feels heavy and he wants to tell himself that it's because of the sparring session earlier but he knows that isn't the case. 

For the rest of the mission, Sasuke is forced to excuse himself periodically. No one knows what's causing him to act so strangely and Naruto is even more perplexed as he stares after the trail of orange and blue petals that seem to follow Sasuke. 

~SNS~

The attacks come regularly now and Sasuke can do nothing but hide and he hates himself for it. He has never been one to be cowardly but he also can't bring himself to face Naruto. He doesn't know how. 

Sasuke isn't good with dealing with emotions. Never has been. As an Uchiha, he was warned ahead of time that emotions could be deadly, dangerous, and destructive. Feeling too much could drive an Uchiha insane. Oh, how right those teachings were. Sasuke just wished he had been a little more prepared to deal with them. He felt like he was dying, the disease eating him from the inside out. He finds himself frequently coughing up fully formed flowers these days. Sasuke feels like he's suffocating.

_Why?_

Sasuke asks himself this question daily now. Why did it have to be Naruto of all people? Why did it have to be anyone at all? He had been so careful, so guarded at all times so as not to fall victim to such frivolous,  _distracting_ emotions. He doesn't understand. Naruto is his opposite. He is loud, brash, bright, and saw the good in everyone, even ones that hurt him. Sasuke...wasn't like that. Sasuke was quiet, introverted, and he hardly ever let anyone in. At least, that  _was_ the case before Naruto. Now, Naruto seemed to occupy the space inside of himself that he had no idea existed until now. 

The fact that Naruto was able to worm his way inside that space without Sasuke knowing was unsettling was to say the least. 

* * *

 

Sakura finds him the next time he has an attack. She finds him hunched over a trashcan having a coughing fit. She places a careful hand on his shoulder and Sasuke flinches. He's ready to snap at her but there is a flicker of understanding in her eyes, something he isn't used to with Sakura. And so he allows her to lead him to the village park. They sit on the bench for a long time in awkward silence, or at least it's awkward for Sasuke. Sakura seems at ease though.

They weren't particularly close despite being on the same team for so many years but Sasuke can at least consider Sakura one of the few people he can tolerate to be around now that she's grown out of her 'sappy crush' phase on him.

"You should tell him."

The statement catches him off guard. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second before he forces himself to keep his expression neutral. He seems to have difficulties controlling them as of late. He turns to tell her to butt out, that she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about, but there's that flicker of understanding again and he presses his lips shut. Sakura sighs and brushes a strand of pink hair behind her ear, "It isn't good to keep it bottled up. It gets worse that way, you know."

_Ah,_ Sasuke understands now. He realizes Sakura does understand him in this one instance because she has suffered the same, "What color were your flowers?" He asks quietly.

Sakura smiles and she gets this far away look in her eyes and Sasuke wonders what she's thinking about.

"They were yellow cosmos."

Sasuke frowns. Well, that was unexpected.

"I thought it was you at first but I realized that cosmos don't really suit you," Sakura giggled suddenly, "I guess we both have our dumb blondes to deal with, huh?"

_Dumb blondes...? Oh,_ Sasuke realize who Sakura is referring to. He's mildly surprised but he supposes it isn't so farfetched. Love, as he's come to find, was unpredictable. Sasuke leans back against the bench and looks up at the expansive blue sky. Suddenly, he feels as if he can't breathe again and so he closes his eyes to shut out the blue. 

He licks his lips and inhales shakily, "Mine are tiger lilies and blue hydrangeas."

"I know," Sakura says softly, "They're beautiful, Sasuke."

_Yes,_ Sasuke agrees,  _they are._

It was only a matter of time before that beauty killed him. 

* * *

Weeks later, Sasuke finds himself restless and decides to take a walk a little past midnight to clear his head. He shoves his hands into his pockets and walks the dark, empty streets of Konoha, illuminated faintly by dim yellow lanterns. 

It's as he's walking that he comes across a few white petals on the ground. He stops in his tracks and stares at them for a moment. Normally, such a thing wouldn't have caught his attention, however, there seemed to be a small trail of these white petals scattered along the sidewalk. Curious, he decides to follow them. 

As he walks, he notices how the amount of petals seem to increase. He can smell them now. The petals carry a sweet, but subtle scent. It isn't long before he finds himself standing not too far from a familiar looking swing with an even more familiar looking boy sitting on it. 

The sound of retching reaches Sasuke's ears and he freezes in his spot. He watches as Naruto's body trembles and shakes, watches as petals fall freely from his mouth, only to be carried away by the wind. The entire grassy area around the swing is covered in these delicate white petals, some fluttering and dancing around Naruto in the wind.

Sasuke feels a familiar ache in his chest and starts to back away slowly, his legs shaking slightly. He clenches his jaw as the sensation continues to spread throughout his entire body. He clutches his chest and it hurts, it hurts,  _it hurts._

He tries to swallow the lump forming in his throat but finds he can't. It forces its way up his throat and Sasuke can't stop himself from gagging. His knees buckle as a handful of blue petals fall freely, mixing with the white. 

"Sasuke?" 

The sound of his name strikes him like lightning and Sasuke is suddenly paralyzed. He had been avoiding Naruto for  _weeks_ due to his condition. He hadn't heard Naruto say his name, hadn't seen Naruto in what felt like forever. He feels powerless and vulnerable now. And Sasuke isn't used to feeling like this. 

Then again, he had never felt many things before Naruto. 

"You've been avoiding me." It isn't a question and Sasuke knows Naruto isn't stupid despite how often he gets called that by teacher, peers, and Sasuke himself. Naruto is more intelligent, far more perceptive of people than most think, more than anyone gave him credit for. 

"I've been busy." Sasuke manages to say, keeping perfectly still and hands balled into fists on his knees. 

"Bullshit."

_What?_ The spell seems to break and Sasuke stands and spins around to glare at Naruto only to stumble when he realizes how close Naruto is to him. His nails dig into his palms as he attempts to collect himself, "What do you know, dead last? You don't know everything that goes on in my life."

"Something happened, "Naruto says it like it's fact, "I did something or fucked up somehow, right?"

"Don't be stupid."

"Don't," Naruto grits his teeth, "If I've done something, tell me. I can take you teasing me. I can take you being angry with me. I can take you  _hating_ me. But I can't," Naruto's voice cracks, "I..please don't pretend like I don't exist."

"Naruto..."

"It's stupid and selfish, I know, but," Naruto mutters under his breath, "You're such a bastard, damn it! This is all your fault!"

"My fault?!" Sasuke snaps, "What the hell are you--"

"Yes, your fault! You're the one that had to go and-and be  _you_!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Sasuke growls, feeling offended. What exactly did he do? Naruto wasn't listening though. Instead, he continued to rant.

"--hate you. I used to think you were nothing but a frigid bastard with an icicle shoved up his ass. But no, no, you actually had to come along and contradict that. You actually had to be  _nice_ and fun and perfect! It wasn't supposed to be like this! You were supposed to be my rival! I wasn't supposed to like you. You were supposed to be nothing more than a stuck up ice princess and-"

Sasuke blinks. Only half listening to Naruto's rant and half stuck on the 'like you' part of his speech. Sasuke finds his body moving on its own as he launches forward and tackles Naruto to the ground.

"Ow! What the hell, Sasuke?!" Naruto glares up at him. 

Sasuke eases up and sits back on his heels, staring at Naruto intently, "Say that again."

"What are you talking about?"

"Repeat what you just said."

Naruto frowns, "You were supposed to be a stuck up ice princess-"

"No, before that."

"I don't understand. What do you me-" Naruto's eyes widen and he blushes when he realizes what Sasuke is referring to. Sasuke's heart starts to beat faster. Naruto bites his lip and looks everywhere except for Sasuke.

"Tell me," Sasuke pleads gently, " _please._ "

Naruto sighs and sits up abruptly. A spark of fierce determination ignites in those turbulent blue eyes and Naruto goes to grab the front of Sasuke's shirt, "Listen up and listen well, bastard. Because I'm only going to say this once, got it? I-I like you! There! I said it! You better not make fun of me! I swear, I'll kick your ass and--oof!"

Naruto suddenly finds himself being pulled tightly against Sasuke's chest into what seems to be a hug. Only it's kind of awkward, Naruto's face is squished against Sasuke's shoulder and his arm is being pinned between his and Sasuke's chest. Sasuke doesn't seem to mind the uncomfortable position though. 

Surrounded by dozens of colorful petals, illuminated beneath a full moon, Sasuke feels complete and the lump in his throat goes away. He feels calmer than he did before now. Naruto coughs and pulls back, "Um...Sasuke, does this mean you like me, too?"

Sasuke chuckles and simply presses his forehead against Naruto's. He closes his eyes for a moment, feeling a wave of happiness wash over him. He opens his eyes again and smirks, "Hn, Usuratonkachi."

"Wh-what! You jerk-"

"Yeah, I like you, too, Idiot."

**END.**

 

 

 


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